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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28009929">All of me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucifer_BringerofLight/pseuds/Lucifer_BringerofLight'>Lucifer_BringerofLight</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>CSI: NY</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:33:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,632</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28009929</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucifer_BringerofLight/pseuds/Lucifer_BringerofLight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rosalina is used to keeping secrets from everyone. Well, exept from her twin brother Danny. But even that is something no one knows. She didn't use to be that way, but then life happend. Only when she falls in love with Mac, she slowly begins to regain trust in people. But life has diffrent plans for her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mac Taylor/OC</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Heavy clouds were hovering over the city. It was after midnight, and even New York wasn’t as busy and noisy as it usually was. Most people were asleep or inside, hiding from the cold outside. One woman, though, didn’t plan on going inside anytime soon. Her name was Rosalina Dostoyevsky, and instead of hiding from the cold, she sat on a bench, with a cup of coffee in her hand. The coffee had been hot some time ago, by now however, it was cold. The woman didn’t care though, in fact she hadn’t even noticed yet. Her eyes were fixed on the clouds above her head. Therefore, she didn’t notice the man walking towards her. His name was Mac Taylor and he worked with Rosalina in the NY crime lab. He was her boss, to be precise. Right now, he was her friend, though. And he was slightly concerned.</p><p>“What are you doing here? It’s freezing.”</p><p>Mac sat down next to her, waiting for an answer, but none came. He turned to her, to see that Rosalina still wasn’t aware of his presence. That was odd, Mac thought. Usually, Rose was quite observant. Then again, she had seemed a bit distracted earlier that day. Wouldn’t tell him what was going on in her head, though. Just stuff, she had told Mac, shrugging it off. Mac hadn’t thought anything about it then, but now he wondered if he had been too harsh with her. It hadn’t been like she had made a mistake or anything, Rose had just been a little bit unfocused. Still, he had scolded her. She had apologized and continued her work.</p><p>“Mac?”</p><p>While Mac had been lost in thoughts, Rose had become aware of her companionship. Although she was rather surprised by that.</p><p>“How long have you been sitting there?”</p><p>“Not very long.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you say anything?”</p><p>Now, Mac laughed softly, he had almost expected that question. Of course, Rosalina was certain that he had said something, she had probably just been too deep in thoughts to hear him. Smiling warmly, she took a sip of coffee and grimaced. Another thing she hadn’t noticed. Cold coffee was disgusting. That, on the other hand, she had known for quite a while.</p><p>“It’s gonna snow.”</p><p>Mac looked at the clouds and shook his head, “I don’t know. It looks like rain to me.”</p><p>“Nah, you’re gonna see. It’ll snow. The first snow of the year. Not gonna miss that.”</p><p>He still doubted it, but who was he to argue about snow in the middle of a freezing cold night? Smiling, he shook his head. That woman was something. No matter how much time he spent with her, she always found a way to surprise him. Sometimes Mac wondered if she was hiding something, but couldn’t think of what that might be. He usually dismissed those thoughts quickly, though he was right about it. But tonight, that was nothing that worried him, it didn’t even cross his mind. All that did, was that he couldn’t make sense of her. Not in a bad way, but still.</p><p>“That’s why you out here?”</p><p>“I love snow.”</p><p>Rosalina had always been a big fan of cold weather and snow. As a kid, she had always waited for the first snow, just as she did now. When it had finally been time, she would spent the next day building snowmen and making a snow angel. She would spent the entire afternoon outside, preferably the morning too, but she had school, so it wasn’t an option. Only after she had been frozen to the marrow, she would listen to her dad, who had been telling her for at least an hour to come in. Those were good memories. Really good ones. Even after she had grown up the first snow would remember her of these times.</p><p>For Mac, it looked a bit different. He didn’t mind winter, but the snow sometimes bothered him. Maybe he had just become a grumpy old man, maybe it was because he missed Claire. His wife had died in 9/11 and since he had lost her, he couldn’t look at things the same. Claire was more the summer type. In her opinion winter was unnecessary. After her dead, Mac had taken over this opinion without even realising it. He had become a grumpy old man, too. At least in some matters. That wasn’t his fault, though. It came with the time. being alone, mourning someone you loved and working all the time with death had that effect on some people. What he didn’t know, Mac could be happy, he just had to allow himself to be, without Claire. He still felt guilty when he thought about loving someone that wasn’t Claire. At least, he did with most people. With Rosalina he wasn’t even sure if he had feelings for her. She was younger than him, she was too good for a grumpy old man like him. Surely, there was someone better out there than him. That and more he told himself when he thought about asking her out on a cup of coffee. That’s why he never did.</p><p>“A few years ago, I considered moving to Minnesota. Lots of snow there.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you?”</p><p>Not that he wasn’t glad she hadn’t. He would have lost a valuable member of his team. And a good friend.</p><p>“Danny. Couldn’t leave him behind, could I? Idiot would have gotten himself killed without me.”</p><p>Danny, again, Mac thought. Danny Messer was another crime scene investigator and he worked with both of them. He and Rose had grown up together and were pretty close. For some time, Mac had wondered, why he’d always been bitter when Rosalina mentioned Danny. Only now he realised, that he was jealous. He almost started to laugh. Never would he have imagined that he could be jealous of anyone, let alone Danny Messer. With Claire, he had never been the jealous type. Then again, with Claire, he had known she loved him, with Rose, that was something completely different. Sometimes, he was convinced that there was more than friendship between her and Danny.</p><p>“Danny, of course.”</p><p>Mac knew he sounded bitter and probably a bit angry, too. But Rose caught something else in his voice. A faint tone of sadness. At least she believed it was there. She couldn’t make sense of it, though. Why would he say Danny’s name like that? They were friends. Good friends. Danny even planned to make Mac the godfather of his first child. Now that she thought about it for a while, Rose remembered that Mac’s behaviour towards Danny had become a little bit hostile. Not always, though, only when one of them said something about their past. Mac hadn’t even noticed his change of behaviour. Actually, no one had, not even Danny himself. But in this moment, it was as clear to Rose as the stars were. Which was to say, not really, because the stars were covered by clouds.</p><p>Since Rosalina couldn’t figure out what Mac meant with his comment and she wasn’t sure how to ask, she dropped the topic. She leaned back against the bench and took another sip of her coffee, only to remember that it had grown cold and now tasted awful.</p><p>“Ugh. Cold coffee steam might make you beautiful, but it tastes terrible.”</p><p>“Cold coffee steam?”</p><p>Mac had never heard of this before and as far as he knew, cold coffee didn’t steam. He of course didn’t know that this was a German saying. The whole point of which was, that cold coffee didn’t steam. He also didn’t know that Rose used to have a friend in college, who used to say that when making fun of all the beauty trends. Somehow it had gotten stuck in Rose’s memory and had seemed fitting. She didn’t care to explain it, either. So, Mac wouldn’t know any of this until later that night, when he would google it.</p><p>“In that case, we should go and buy you a new cup. Although, I would suggest a cup of tea.”</p><p>“Why, so we can sleep later? I’m not gonna sleep until it starts snowing.”</p><p>Shaking his head, smiling, he rose and hold his hand out to her, to help Rose up.</p><p>“You might be up for quite a while, then. Weather forecast said, it isn’t going to snow for at least another week.”</p><p>“Well, they’re wrong. I feel it. And my feeling’s never wrong.”</p><p>Nevertheless, she allowed him to pull her up from the bench.</p><p>“Dear lord, your fingers are frozen.”</p><p>Mac took both her hands between his own hands, forming a cup around hers. Carefully he lifted his cupped hands to his lips and gently blew some warm air in, attempting to warm her fingers up. That made Rose chuckle softly. But she didn’t pull away.</p><p>“My hands are always cold. My toes too. Don’t actually feel it.”</p><p>Didn’t mean that she didn’t felt the warms of his hands. She appreciated it and even enjoyed it a little. So did Mac. Neither of them moved, both thinking about a reason for staying like this just a little bit longer. But before either of them could come up with one or move, a tiny flake of snow landed on Macs hands. The first snow of the year began to fall silently and almost completely unappreciated. If it hadn’t been for this one woman, standing somewhere in the middle of Manhattan, holding hands with some man, both of them starring up into the sky, her face filled with joy and happiness, his showed disbelief and confusion. They must have been a weird picture. But it was New York, people were used to way stranger things.</p><p>“It’s snowing.”</p><p>Mac couldn’t believe it, as he said it. He saw the snow, felt it on his skin, but he still couldn’t believe it. Rose didn’t say, ‘I told you so’. She didn’t need too. But in this moment, Mac decided, that from now on, he wouldn’t doubt Rosalina anymore, at least not, when it came to snow.</p><p>“How did you know?”</p><p>“Just a feeling.”</p><p>“Well, is that so?”</p><p>“Yes, it is.”</p><p>“Good to know. How about that cup of tea now?”</p><p>“Sounds good, but there is no decent tea shop anywhere near here.”</p><p>“And where else can you get a cup of tea?”</p><p>“I’ve got a nice collection of teas in my apartment, just about a block away.”</p><p>“A whole collection? That’s something I want to see.”</p><p>It wasn’t until a few minutes later, after they already started walking towards her building, that Mac realised with a little shock that he had just agreed to go to her apartment with her. Together with that he also realised, that he did not know where she lived. From all his friends he at least roughly knew where they lived. But Rose had never named an address anywhere on any papers. The only thing she named was a lockbox near the lab. It wasn’t that Rosalina was paranoid or anything, she was just cautious. In the past, she had made some bad experiences and she’d be damned if she hadn’t learned from them. Mac didn’t dwell on that thought very long, anyways. His mind was way too preoccupied with her inviting him into her home. Something with which, as far as he could tell, from their colleagues only Danny had had the honour. Then again, it wasn’t a big thing. She just had invited him in for some tea. Probably hadn’t thought much of it, right? Well, wrong. Though, the offer had come naturally, and she had meant it, Rosalina was still anxious about it. She trusted Mac, and was most definitely not afraid of him, but having people in her apartment was new for her. At least lately. Since she had moved in, this apartment had seen three people, her, Danny, and the owner. Whom she and Danny had done a thorough background check on. Danny had done the same with her immediate neighbours and the concierges, but Rose didn’t know about it. She would have disapproved of it, as she had with the check on the landlord, but she had felt saver with it, nevertheless. In this situation, though, she tried to think about something else. For example, that Mac hadn’t let go of one of her hands yet and that she didn’t actually want him to.</p><p>The few minutes they needed to reach her building, they spent in silence. There was no need to talk. It was enough for both to just enjoy the presence of the other and the falling snow, which muffled the sounds of the city and made it sound almost peaceful. Arriving at the entrance, the door was opened for them by a doorman.</p><p>“Good evening, Ms Dostoyevsky. As I see, you have been right about the snow.”</p><p>Rose chuckled and nodded, “Don’t worry, Stephen, you’re not alone with that. He did, too.”</p><p>Although Stephen had eyed Mac has, they had entered, he did it again now, even more thoroughly. After all, Stephen took his job very seriously and he was quite fond of Rosalina, who always greeted him and when she had time, stopped to chat. He’d be damned if he would allow a stranger to get anywhere near her if she weren’t comfortable with it. Over the months she had been living here, he had noticed, whenever a new, or unknown person entered the lobby, she would turn around. Not out of curiosity, as he had realised, but of fear. Whatever it was she was afraid of, Stephen had decided that day, he wouldn’t allow to get close to her. Because it was his job and because everyone deserved to have a life, where they had not to look over their shoulder in their own homes.</p><p>“You’re bringing a guest. That’s rare. Actually, I cannot recall you ever bringing one.”</p><p>Of course, that was because Stephen worked night shifts and therefore had never met Danny. Even if he had, it wouldn’t altered his statement much. One visitor was still not much. While Rose and Stephen talked, Mac grew increasingly confused. He had noticed the concierge checking him out when he had first entered and again, when Rosalina had mentioned him. He, himself, lived in a building with doorman, but never had he noticed a visitor being examined that closely. Not even at that hour of night. On second thought, he might know something, that Mac didn’t know. These two seemed to chat regularly, maybe she had told him something, that had concluded in him being extra careful with people around her. Though it worried him, he was also grateful for someone looking out for her. Mac might not know what exactly Rosalina had gone through, but he had figured that it must have been bad. So, if this especially cautious doorman made her feel safer, he was happy for her.</p><p>“Detective Taylor is a colleague from work. My boss, actually.”</p><p>“I do hope, I’m also your friend.”</p><p>Though, he was smiling at her, he was curious about her answer. It was hard to read Rosalina and, even though, he had never picked up any contradiction behaviour, he couldn’t exactly say he had noticed anything that would lead him to believe that they were friends.</p><p>“Yes, of course you are my friend. We should get upstairs. Have a quiet night, Stephen.”</p><p>Usually, he would wish her the same, but today, he wasn’t sure it that might somehow be received as weird. Instead, he wished her a good night and returned his attention to the book he had been reading before those two had entered.</p><p>Rosalina and Mac went to her apartment, where she showed him her collection of tea. Predominantly British tea. After all, the Americans had no idea about how to make a good kettle of tea, amongst other things they had no idea of.</p><p>“Wow, that is a lot of tea.”</p><p>“As a teen I spent some time in London. Which was when I decided that the Boston tea party had been a colossal waste of good tea. If it was for me, they should have thrown something else in the harbour, anything really.”</p><p>Before he could stop himself, Mac began laughing. He had made the mistake to imagine Rosalina at the Boston tea party. Standing there, bagging the people to spare the good tea. Handing them everything else she could find. And to be honest, that was a pretty hilarious image.</p><p>“How long have you been to London?”</p><p>Mac new better than to directly ask about the why. Rose tended to stonewall when it came to personal matters. Unless it was something Danny was involved in. That seemed to be something different. What Mac didn’t know was that she felt save about Danny and everything connected to him. She had absolute faith and trust in him. Trust she couldn’t possibly have in any other person. Or at least, that was what she thought.</p><p>“A few months when I was fifteen. It was great. Though, I missed Danny.”</p><p>“I can imagine. After what he told me, you two must have been together ever before that.”</p><p>“Not even close.”</p><p>In amusement, Rose shook her head, pouring some tea in two cups and then sitting down on the couch.</p><p>“We were eight when my dad moved to L.A., taking me with him. For the records, I hated it there. Too much sun, no snow.”</p><p>“In that case, you are absolutely right to have hated it.”</p><p>“Thank you. Anyway, we lived there for little over a year. Danny and I wrote Mails, every day. Drove my dad crazy. One day, I got home from school, expecting Danny to tell me about his day, and find a mail, telling me that some idiots had beaten him up and that he missed me and wanted to see me, so he would come over. Mind, he still lived in Staten Island. Obviously, that night I ran away from home. Danny had mentioned in his mail that he would get me a postcard from that hotel in Cheyenne county, where we had been for holidays years ago. So that’s where I headed.”</p><p>“You ran away from home and travelled through half of the USA for Danny?”</p><p>“I’d gone the whole way if I had to. Still would. Though, now I would take a plane and not try to get there through hitchhiking and train and walking.”</p><p>Hitchhiking was always an extremely dangerous business, especially as a nine-year-old girl, which Rosalina had only realised late.</p><p>“Your parents must have been out of their minds.”</p><p>“Well, they had been the ones separating us, so it was their fault, really. We both made it to Sidney safely, somehow. There a local recognized us and informed the police, who wanted to send us home, to different ends of the country. But, our parents decided, if they didn’t want that to happen again, they should at least live in the same city, if they didn’t want to be neighbours again. So, those 14 months were the longest I have been separated from Danny. But, in case you wondered, the five days till both of us reached Sidney were the longest Danny and I haven’t been communicating with each other.”</p><p>That wasn’t quite the truths, but it was the only truths Rosalina was willing to accept as such. Mac shook his head in disbelief. He had always known those two were completely crazy, now he had proof.</p><p>“Your parents must have been pissed.”</p><p>“You cannot imagine. As soon as they were sure we’re all right, they… let’s just say that it was by far the worst screed we ever got to hear. Not that either of us cared. We were quite happy at the time, after all, we were together again.”</p><p>“The more I hear about you two, the more I wonder that you didn’t end up together.”</p><p>Rosalina couldn’t express how much that thought disgusted her. She loved Danny with all of her heart, but never like that. It was so absurd that she didn’t know immediately how to respond to that. Mac, however waited anxiously for one. After all, this question had been on his mind for quite a while now. Did Rosalina have feelings for Danny? Because if she had, Mac would never stand a chance. Not that he actually thought he did. He must be nothing but an old man to her. Mac cursed himself silently for allowing himself to hope, that she might like him, too. But when they had stood in the snow earlier, when he held her hands between his, he couldn’t help himself.</p><p>“Danny and me… that was never an option. Never.”</p><p>Mac couldn’t understand why she laughed, of course he couldn’t. How could he possibly know? They’d never told him. In fact, they haven’t told anyone in a while. Only very few people knew, and she wasn’t overly excited to extend that circle. Again, the issue wasn’t the lack of trust she had for Mac. Rosalina had just grown so accustomed to keeping things secret that she found it hard to confide in anybody but Danny. So, she usually didn’t. right now, she had other things to wonder about. About the nature of Mac’s statement, for example. More precisely, if it were a statement or a question and if it were latter, why he would ask this. For a moment, it occurred to her, that he might have some interest in her, but she dismissed that thought immediately and decided that this was probably due to the fact that when it came to personal matters, she would block any attempt of gaining information. That was something Mac was thinking about too. His thoughts circled around the why more than the actual behaviour. Of course, as a detective with the NYPD, he could have easily looked into it, but he felt like he would betray her, if he did that, and kill the remaining chances, however little they might be, that she would trust him and possibly ever consider him more than a colleague.</p><p>“I could ask the same with Stella, though. I mean, you two are pretty tight.”</p><p>“True, we are. But after Claire, I didn’t want any kind of relationship. Now it is what it is. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.”</p><p>That came as a relief to Rosa, which she couldn’t understand. After all, Mac was her boss, he had a wife, a dead one, true, but still. She pushed all thoughts of this kind back and fell silent. It was kind of ironic, both of them sitting next to each other, thinking about the other and that the feelings couldn’t possibly be mutual.  </p><p>Soon, Mac had finished his tea and rose. He felt uncomfortable after their conversation, but especially in his own mind. It had been nice spending time with her, outside of work, but it had been weird too and confusing.</p><p>“You have the day off tomorrow, haven’t you?”</p><p>He knew, of course, that that was the case. Why he had asked it nevertheless, he couldn’t say. Neither could Rose, who was certain, he knew, since he never forgot something like that.</p><p>“Yeah. It’s my dad’s birthday and I promised that this year, I’d come visit.”</p><p>“Is one day enough? I’m sure I could give you a day more. You have lots of days left.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, he still lives in Staten Island, so one day is enough. But thanks.”</p><p>Mac nodded, not knowing what else to say.</p><p>“Okay. Then I’ll see you on Thursday.”</p><p>“Yeah, you will. Good night, and get home safely.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mac did get home safely and on Thursday everything was back to normal. That way it stayed, more or less. Now it sometimes happened that when Mac would stay late in his office, Rose would join him, bring him some tea, and just keep him company. Which one night, was noticed by Lindsay, Danny’s wife, who had forgotten something and had to go back to get it. When she didn’t show up at the car, where Danny had been waiting, he went to check on her and found her spying on their boss.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>“Hush. Look.”</p><p>“Is that my Rosie?”</p><p>Danny couldn’t believe what he saw. Which was, Rose and Mac sitting on the couch in his office, both holding a cup of tea in their hands, facing each other.</p><p>“Yes, it is, and I think that is Mac’s hand on her arm.”</p><p>Deciding, that it would be inappropriate to spy on them any longer, they went to their car. But Danny was more than just excited about what he had found out, or believed to have found out. Because he thought that this was proof that something was going on between Rose and Mac. And he couldn’t shut up about it about how great he thought that was.</p><p>“What is going on with you?”</p><p>“Mac is awesome. I mean, he is great. I’m just happy for Rosie.”</p><p>“I can tell, but you’re acting like it’s the best thing that could have possibly happened.”</p><p>“It is. He is nice and clever and kind, and he’s nice-”</p><p>“You said that already.”</p><p>“I know, but he is. And he is a good cop and cares and is reliable.”</p><p>“And you’re so happy about that, because…?”</p><p>“Because most of Rosie’s previous boyfriends sucked. Like really sucked.”</p><p>“You never told me that.”</p><p>And he shouldn’t have told her now, Danny knew that he had promised Rosie that, but Lindsay was his wife and he trusted her. He’d never shared Rosie’s mistrust and paranoia, but he hadn’t been through all that crap she had had to go through. Although he never understood her desire to keep as much as possible as secret as possible, he felt guilty about talking to Lindsay about Rosie.</p><p>“It’s not important, really.”</p><p>“It isn’t? Like it isn’t important, that no one knows where Rose lives?”</p><p>“I know. But you’re right. Some of her boyfriends didn’t treat her very well.”</p><p>That was more than an understatement, but it was as much as he could tell, without telling everything. And some things, he didn’t want Lindsay, or anyone, to know. When it came to her boyfriends, Danny agreed with Rosie, that some stories were better left untold.</p><p>“She got careful, over the time. Which is why she hadn’t had one in a long time. So, that’s why I’m so happy about her and Mac.”</p><p>“You do know that what we saw doesn’t have to mean anything?”</p><p>“Sure, but it’s a start. And a damn good one.”</p><p> </p><p>And it was, indeed, though that night, they had only talked about a case they solved that day, but their late-night talks became more frequent over the time and did not only take place at Mac’s office, but from time to time, in Rose apartment. But none of them knew that the other had feelings for them, until one day over a month later.</p><p>Chasing murderers was fun, Rose decided, as she ran down a flight of stairs, trying to catch up. Of course, it wasn’t funny that a woman had been murdered, but Rose always enjoyed field work and a bit running and hunting was the kind of action she liked, especially when the suspect was unarmed. Well, it was fun as long as the suspect was caught, and no one got hurt. Right now, Rose caught up to the man from one side, Mac from the other. The man had nowhere to go, which he realised now too. But instead, as hoped but not expected, to surrender himself, he kept running towards Mac, who pointed his gun at the man, screaming at him to stop. But the suspect didn’t. He kept moving, directly towards Mac, ramming into him with so much force, that both of them fell. The suspect fell down only a few steps, but Mac had been pushed over the railing. All Rose could do was watch him fall, before landing with a crash and lay there motionless. Her first instinct was to run to him, forget everything else, but in front of her, the suspect was getting up. He stared down on the lifeless body of the detective with almost as much horror and shock as Rose did. When she turned to him, her face showed more than shock, it showed hatred towards the man standing there. Enough of it so that the man decided that he did not want her hunting him anymore. He dropped to his knees, raising his hands above his head. Allowing Rose to arrest him, which she did hastily, and then ran to Mac’s side. Careful, not to move him she felt for any sign of live. When she finally found a pulse, she almost started crying in relief. Upon feeling her fingers on his skin, Mac began to groan.</p><p>“Don’t move. Stay still, Mac. You hear me?”</p><p>His eyelids flitted a few times, before he opened his eyes.</p><p>“Hey. Hey, you okay. The ambulance is here soon. It’s gonna be okay.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t wanted that to happen.”</p><p>The softness vanished from Rose’s face when she looked up at the man, and was replaced by something far more violent and scarier.</p><p>“Shut up and be glad that you did not just kill a cop.”</p><p>That was all the attention she had for a murderer right now, she turned back to Mac, whose pain was visible in his eyes. But not only his body pained him, but the sorrow he saw in Rose’s face. He had never seen her as cold and angry as she had just been with the suspect.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ll be all right in no time.”</p><p>He tried to smile reassuringly, but was certain, that he failed. In his opinion, this could have ended way worse, after all, Rosa was safe and unharmed, and the guy was caught. Sure, Mac didn’t like lying there in pain, being hurt, but he preferred it to the alternative of Rosa lying here in his place.</p><p>“You better be.”</p><p>“I’m not that easy to kill.”</p><p>Otherwise, he would have been dead long time ago. This wasn’t even the highest he had ever fallen. Enough, certainly, to hurt, but not to kill him. Still, he was glade when the ambulance arrived, and the paramedics gave him something for the pain.  </p><p>“I’ll bring this guy to Flack and then come check on you, okay? Don’t you dare doing something stupid till then, you hear me?”</p><p>“Wouldn’t even think of it. But can you handle that guy?”</p><p>“I think he’s scared of me.”</p><p>“He’s right to. Be careful, Rosa.”</p><p> </p><p>Of course, she was, she would never dare to let her guard down while a murderer was with her. After all, she didn’t plan on getting killed today. Unfortunately, it wasn’t as easy to get rid of the killer as she hoped. Flack did take over, but she still had to write a report. It took her almost two hours to get to the hospital and to Mac. Which was good for him, because he had taken the time to get checked and to rest. So, when Rose arrived to look after him, he felt better already.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>And he was happy to see her, hoping that she would stop worrying when she saw that he was alright.</p><p>“How are you?”</p><p>“Fine, just a concussion and some bruises, nothing serious. If I promise to be nice, they’ll let me go today.”</p><p>“Then why are you still here?”</p><p>“Waiting for you of course.”</p><p>Rose sat down on the edge of the bed, taking Mac’s hand, which surprised him. Until now, she had never been the one to initiate any kind of contact.</p><p>“You scared me there.”</p><p>“I know, I’m sorry. But I’m fine, I promise. Tired, but fine.”</p><p>“Then we should get you home.”</p><p>Even though Mac assured her, that she didn’t have to take him home, Rose insisted. The doctor had said it would be best not to leave him alone that night, just to be save, and she didn’t intend to do so. Mac protested, but only half-heartedly. After all, it meant that he could enjoy Rose’s company for some more time. And it was good, that she would be with him. As soon as he stood up, he became dizzy and would have fallen, if Rose hadn’t caught him and held him up.</p><p>“Take it slow, concussions are annoying. I know, I had some.”</p><p>Mac was surprised by how bitter she sounded about it. Sure, having concussions was no fun, but he had had a few himself before and he was certain, that he didn’t sound as bitter about them as she did. Unless it had something to do with what she hid about her past, whatever that might be.</p><p>When he had become dizzy, he had closed his eyes to stop his vision from spinning, now that he opened them again, he realised how close he was to Rosa. She was right there, in front of him, her arms wrapped around his waist to steady him. His hands laid on her shoulders, where he had searched for hold. This all was painfully present in his mind, together with the urge to just kiss her. That was all, he wanted to do right now. He knew he shouldn’t. He was her boss, after all, and he wasn’t even sure if she liked him. So, kissing her was probably a bad idea. Before he could make any decision, about whether or not to kiss her, he felt her lips on his. Soft and warm and simply wonderful. While he had been uncertain, Rose, even though nervous about his reaction, had decided that this was a good time to just act and not overthink everything. Which proofed right when she felt him kissing back. When they run out of breath and had to break apart, Mac took a step back, looking into her smiling face he couldn’t help himself but smile back brightly.</p><p>“Let’s go, get you home.”</p><p>He couldn’t agree more, but he didn’t want to let go of her. Neither did Rose, so she simply left one arm around his waist, allowing her to hold him as well as to be close to him.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he woke up the next morning, he wasn’t sure, if yesterday had been a dream. His body suggested otherwise, so he had actually fallen, but maybe he had just imagined the rest of the day? Slowly he rolled over, trying to avoid causing more pain. Apparently, yesterday had not been a dream. Next to him, still sleeping, lay Rosa. She looked peaceful. And really, she was, though she had been awake most of the night, because she had been worried out Mac, she had eventually fallen asleep and it was a surprisingly good sleep, considering that she usually couldn’t sleep at unknown places. That proofed how much she trusted in Mac. Carefully not to wake her, Mac brushed some strands of hair out of her face. It did wake her, though, but that wasn’t Mac’s fault, it simply was one of her defence mechanisms. As soon as she realised it was Mac next to her, Rose calmed down.</p><p>“Sorry, didn’t meant to wake you.”</p><p>Rose didn’t mind been awake. After all, she thought, reality is quite nice right now. She leaned over to Mac and kissed him, which made him smile.</p><p>“How are you feeling?”</p><p>“A little sore, but it could be worse.”</p><p>That was actually true, he didn’t feel too bad. Sure, his head hurt, and his body was a little stiff, but with some pain killers he’d probably get through the day just fine.</p><p>“I assume you won’t listen to the doc and go to work?”</p><p>It was surprising how well she knew him. On second thought, no it wasn’t. They were colleagues for about two years now and the past month they had spent almost every evening together. By now, Mac even knew a little about Rosa. She kissed him again, but backed off abruptly.</p><p>“Danny’s my brother.”</p><p>Sure, the timing was a little weird, but she didn’t want to keep secrets from Mac. With her past, she knew, she would always have secrets. There was just nothing to be done about that. But this one secret was too big to keep. And really, it wasn’t as bad as most of the others. Though, it came as quite a shock to Mac. While it explained many things, it was nothing he’d ever guessed.</p><p>“He is your brother… Danny is… I don’t understand.”</p><p>“Yeah, he’s my brother. Twin, to be exact. Mom and Dad got a divorce when we were half a year old. Mom got to keep Louie and Danny, Dad got me. Dad moved in the apartment next to Mom, so Danny and I still grew up together. They told us, after we ran away. But I’ve got Dad’s name, Danny and Louie have Mom’s. so, there’s that.”</p><p>Neither Rose nor Danny had ever told anyone. Every person who knew about them, either knew from the beginning, or because their parents had told them. Not even Lindsay knew, but now she had told Mac.</p><p>“We kept it to ourselves because it didn’t matter whether we were friends or siblings.”</p><p>Although Mac wondered why she had told him now, he knew not to ask. She probably didn’t even know herself why she had told him, and if she did, Mac doubted that she would tell him. But, Mac realised, this meant, that Rosa was opening up to him. He was sure, that she would eventually tell him about her past. Bits at a time when she was ready. And he was fine with that. Happy, actually. So happy, that he pulled her closer and kissed him, with no intention to let go of her anytime soon.</p><p> </p><p>When they came to work that day, Danny immediately knew. She was his sister, after all, and he knew her. As he had known, when he had seen them together in Mac’s office, he knew now. But he didn’t mention it. She had left him alone with Lindsay too, until he wanted to talk about her. So that’s what he was gonna do. Two days later, Rose told him. She didn’t saw any use in keeping it from him. He knew everything else, why not this? Mac on the other hand, didn’t tell Stella until a month later, when she walked in on them kissing. It had been late, most of the people had gone home already, but the nightshift. Stella was about to leave to, had just wanted to wish Mac a good night. But when she walked into his office, she found Rose there with him. Rose had waited for him to finish a report so they could go home together. Now, that Mac was done, he had gotten up and kissed her, thanking her for her patience. That was when Stella had made her appearance.</p><p>“So, that’s what you’ve been hiding from me.”</p><p>It wasn’t that she was mad at him. Yes, she was, but not too much. But not for having a relationship with Rose, she was mad that he hadn’t told him. Part of her understood him, though. Rose was younger by almost ten years and he was her superior. There would be a lot of talking if it came out. Stella was convinced, that there was nothing wrong with the relationship between them.  She knew Mac well enough, that he’d never be with someone unless he genuinely cared for her and loved her. And the way he had just kissed her, he definitely loved her. Though Stella was right with that, she had no idea how much he loved her, nor how embarrassed and relieved he was, at the same time, when she had walked in. Yes, he had made the decision not to tell her, he hadn’t liked keeping it from her.</p><p>“Well, that’s kinda embarrassing, but hey.”</p><p>Rose tried to lighten the tension a bit, without too much success.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Stella. We… no, I thought it was better if we kept it between us. Though, I’m almost certain that Danny knows.”</p><p>“He does.”</p><p>“Wait, so, Danny knows, but you didn’t want to tell me?”</p><p>Stella began to be offended. Nothing against Danny, she liked him, but it still bugged her.</p><p>“Danny was my call. And he knew it anyway. Mac didn’t want to tell you to protect me. I mean, look at us.”</p><p>Looking for the right words, Rose sighed and glanced at Mac, who smiled at her encouragingly. When she found no words, he took over.</p><p>“I’m a grumpy old man and she is young and beautiful and really sarcastic.”</p><p>“So, it doesn’t really fit. Or doesn’t seem so.”</p><p>Stella understood what they meant. It had been one of her first thoughts, they made an odd couple, but the more she had thought about it, the more she believed that they fitted together rather well, their characters complemented each other rather well and they had still things in common. Their love for science, their kindness, and their love for weird knowledge.</p><p>“Yes, that and that I’m her boss. I didn’t want people to talk about her like she is just with me to get a pay raise or anything like that.”</p><p>Another thing Stella could understand. But it still felt like Mac didn’t trust her anymore. Especially since Danny knew.</p><p>“You didn’t want to risk anything. But Danny-”</p><p>“Danny is incredibly good at keeping her secrets. I didn’t even know he had any. But you’re right, I should have told you.”</p><p>Mac felt really bad, he trusted Stella and he hadn’t want to hurt her. Until he had seen her face, he had been sure it was the right choice not to tell her.</p><p>“No, it’s okay. I understand. But it explains why you don’t spent so many nights in your office anymore.”</p><p>“Doesn’t mean he doesn’t spent them working.”</p><p>“I don’t think I want any more information. But Rose, you should let Danny know that he and Lindsay aren’t my favourite couple anymore.”</p><p>“I feel honoured. We should go home. It late enough, and I have a book to finish.”</p><p>Stella started to laugh, “Mac Taylor, are you telling me, that you voluntarily going home to do nothing.”</p><p>“He’s not doing nothing. Really Stella, you should know him better. He’s discovering my book collection.”</p><p>“You might just be a good influence.”</p><p>“I might just be.”</p><p> </p><p>Not long after that, the entire team knew. Mac and Rosa had agreed that it would be worse if they kept it secret and someone found out. Like Stella, their friends were a little mad, that they hadn’t told them earlier, but besides that they were all happy for them. So, it came to pass that they celebrated Christmas eve together. Thought Rosa and Mac both liked his apartment very much, they spent most of their free time at hers, since it was closer to the lab. Christmas, they had decided, would be celebrated at his place. With a giant tree, as it was tradition for the Taylors. Mac hadn’t done it for himself since his father had died, instead he had searched for the biggest tree he could find and donated it to a children’s hospital or an orphanage or something like that. This year, he wanted to it to be a special Christmas for him and Rosa. Who had loved the idea of having the biggest tree of all, but they settled for the second biggest they could find. The Cohan children’s medical centre got the bigger one. The children were excited, especially when they saw all the presents under the tree. And to Rose, that was the best Christmas gift anyone could make her. Nevertheless, Mac had another gift for her. Now, however, they sat on his couch. Rose was leaning against Mac’s chest, holding her baby niece, Lucy, in her arms.</p><p>“You know, Rosie, I think you’d make an excellent mom.”</p><p>She hadn’t really thought about children. At least not about having any. It wasn’t like she was strictly against it, she just hadn’t give it too much thought. Mac had. And he agreed with Danny. When they had delivered the tree to the hospital, Rosa had spent over an hour reading to these kids, playing with them. As he had watched her, he had known. Rosalina would be a fantastic mother, once she decided to have children. And just for one second, Mac had hoped, that he might be the father. He had dismissed the thought quickly, but while he watched her with Lucy, he was certain that he wanted exactly that. He had always wanted kids and he loved Rosa, what more was there to say about?</p><p>“We’ll talk about it when the time comes.”</p><p>“Diplomatic and vacuous, I expected nothing less.”</p><p>“Love you too, Danny boy.”</p><p>“I think he’s just afraid we’ll spoil Lucy too much.”</p><p>Lucy was Mac’s goddaughter, and he had every intention to spoil her as much as he could. That’s what a godfather was there for, and since Rosa was the aunt, they could, and would, spoil her together.</p><p>“Well, there’s no way around that. He should be happy if I don’t buy her a dog for her fourth birthday.”</p><p>“You’re still mad that your dad didn’t buy you a dog?”</p><p>“Yeah, bet your ass on that. I really wanted a dog, and what did I get?”</p><p>“A goldfish you called Puppy.”</p><p>“Wait, you called your fish Puppy?”</p><p>“Yeah. She wanted a dog, so she treated the fish like one.”</p><p>“In my defence, I was five. But Puppy lived for almost four years. Before Louie killed him.”</p><p>Mac shook his head, laughing, then gave Rosa a kiss on the back of her head.</p><p>“You two are weird.”</p><p>“We’ve been told so.”</p><p>“Several times.”</p><p>“Including that one officer.”</p><p>“Oh, he just was shocked.”</p><p>“The one that had to make sure you don’t run away again, while you waited for your parents to pick you up in the middle of Nebraska?”</p><p>“That one.”</p><p>Since only Danny, Rose and Mac knew what Mac was talking about, Danny and Rose had to tell the story again. Much to the amusement of the others. But while they were talking, Danny thought about how nice it was that Mac actually knew. He had already noticed that Rosie trusted him. She was calmer around him, and didn’t turn to every loud or unexpected sound. She trusted him enough to let her guard down. Just a little. But enough that Danny had hope again. Maybe, just maybe, she would build some trust in people again. And as he thought that he became very fond of Mac. Danny had always liked him, but right now he loved him with all his heart. So did Rose.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Their happiness didn’t last too long, however. Another case, another hunt, another tragedy. Trying to get away, the suspect had hit Rose with a pipe and rendered her unconscious. Just a few moments ago, they had been making plans for dinner.</p><p>“I could cook.”</p><p>“Actually, I wanted to eat something tasty.”</p><p>“What is that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“You suck at cooking.”</p><p>“My spaghetti are quite tasty.”</p><p>“Okay, if you say so. You get to do the spaghetti, I’ll make the sauce.”</p><p>Both laughed and Mac pressed her a quick kiss on the forehead, before knocking on the door. Yeah, her life was pretty good right now, Rose decided. Solving crimes, bantering with Mac, and making the world a slightly better place with every arrest. There was not much more she could wish for. No, truly. The last few month had been the best she had in quite some time. though she wished that it could stay like this, she knew it was impossible. But as long as she had Mac and Danny, she believed that she could actually be happy. And just maybe, she could walk through the streets one day, without looking over her shoulder.</p><p>The door opened and interrupted her thoughts.</p><p>“What do you want now?!”</p><p>The man didn’t seem too happy to see them. considering that they had come to arrest him for murder, it wasn’t surprising.</p><p>“I think you know why we’re here, Lucas.”</p><p>Mac saw him move and reached for his gun. But before he could do anything else, he went down. He didn’t even saw, what had hit him. Mac’s gun was taken from his hand. The next thing he heard were hasty steps, running away from where he lay, then a shoot. Mac couldn’t tell whether it was been Rosa who had fired the gun or Lucas and that terrified him. He tried to get up, but fell again. His head hurt and he was dizzy. Still, he tried again, this time leaning on the wall for support and he actually managed to stand and slowly walk. As fast as he could he went after Rosa. While he made his way along the wall, he called dispatch, telling them that he needed reinforcement and an ambulance, now. He didn’t have to walk far, though. Down the hall, in front of the elevator he saw Rosa. He stumbled more towards her than he ran, collapsing a few feet away from her. By now, he didn’t only felt dizzy, but nauseous. Though he couldn’t tell if it came from his headache or from seeing Rosa in a puddle of her own blood. The puddle was relatively small, too big for his liking.  The last few feet Mac crawled towards her, almost blacking out of exhaustion. He reached out to Rosa, her pulse was low, her breath shallow, and the blood came from a wound on the side of her head.</p><p>“Rosa! Rosa, can you hear me? Please open your eyes, don’t do that to me.”</p><p>He couldn’t lose her. He loved and needed her, and he didn’t want to live without her. Rosa was his everything. They had been together no more than six month, but he couldn’t imagine life without her. When Claire had died, he had found an anchor in his work. But with Rosa it would be different, how could he seek refuge in work if work were the reason Rosa was in this situation in the first place? It all had started with a hit and run and now Rosa lay in Mac’s arms.</p><p>He couldn’t tell how long it took the ambulance to arrive, but too damn long in Mac’s opinion. They came and took Rosa away from him. One of the medics brought him to another ambulance, where he checked him out. While he did that, Stella came to Mac. She was clearly worried about him, but she didn’t ask how he felt. She knew very well that Mac didn’t give a damn about his own wellbeing, all he cared about was Rosa.</p><p>“Flack got Lucas. He’s bringing him in right now. Danny went to hospital, said he’ll call you as soon as he’s got any news.”</p><p>Mac nodded slightly and continued starring down at his bloody hands. All he could think about was Rosa laying on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>When Danny had heard that Rosie had gotten injured, he had rushed to the emergency room immediately. He hadn’t left there since, and he wasn’t planning on doing it. The last three days he had slept in a chair or on the floor next to her bed. Mac was with him during the days, but Stella made sure he’d go home for the nights. Mac might claim he was fine, but he had a severe concussion and should actually stay in bed. So, it came, that when Rose finally woke up, it was only Danny with her. Her head hurt like hell and her body was sore, but when she turned her head and saw Danny sleeping on the chair next to her bed, in a most certainly uncomfortable position, she smiled. Danny had been watching over her as he had done for all their lives now.</p><p>“Danny boy?”</p><p>He jolted upright, almost falling out of his chair.</p><p>“Rosie! You’re awake. I love you. How are you feeling? Are you okay?”</p><p>Danny almost started crying of happiness. Too often he had sat on his sisters’ bedside, worrying about her. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take and how much more she could take.</p><p>“I’m all right, Danno. Don’t you worry.”</p><p>He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. Danno had been her nickname for him in kindergarten. She had stopped calling him that when they were teenagers and things began to change.</p><p>“I have to call Mac. He’s worried sick about you.”</p><p>“Who… who’s Mac?”</p><p>The name meant nothing to Rosalina. She didn’t remember anyone with that name. but when she thought about it, she couldn’t remember anyone. Her mind was empty. No names, no faces. Only Danny. No one else. She couldn’t remember her parents. There was a faint feeling like she had another brother, but she couldn’t remember his name or how he looked.</p><p>“Danny? What’s going on? Why can’t I remember anyone?”</p><p>Panic rose in her. What happened? She had a distant memory of being in a hallway, to arrest a murder suspect. But that was it. She knew that she worked at the New York Forensic Crime Lab. Together with Danny, her twin brother. They’d been to university together. She remembered all of it, the lectures, and classes, but they were empty, not professors or other students. Only her and Danny. All her memories were like that.</p><p>“It’s okay, it’ll be okay. You got hit on the head. Probably just temporary amnesia. I’m gonna go, see if I can find a doctor, okay. I’ll be back in a moment.”</p><p>Rose nodded and Danny left the room. Of course, he wanted to find a doctor, but moreover he needed to think without worrying her. When she had said that she didn’t know who Mac was, that she didn’t remember anybody, he had panicked, and he still was panicking. What if something was wrong with her? What if she wouldn’t remember again? How was he supposed to tell Mac? He had to call him, but what could he say? First, he had to find a doctor though. He had to know what was happening. Quickly, he found one and explained the situation to her.</p><p>“I feared something like that would happen. It’s called retrograde amnesia, which means that memories made before the injurie are inaccessible. Sometimes memories of certain events, of a certain time span or sometimes all memories are lost.”</p><p>“How is it possible that she forgot everyone but me?”</p><p>“We don’t know. It’s very hard to actually explain amnesia, especially since the memories are still there, the person simply is unable to access it due to trauma.”</p><p>“So, she’ll regain her memories?”</p><p>“Maybe. Maybe not. In some cases, the person was able to regain all their memories, sometimes, they only regain parts of it, sadly, it also happens, that the amnesia is permanent.”</p><p>Danny buried his face in his hands. Why did that had to happen? Why did it always have to be her? Didn’t she suffer enough already?</p><p>“How comes that she remembers me?”</p><p>“Sometimes, rarely, a person remembers another person. Someone extremely important to them, someone they’d consider existential.”</p><p>Someone like her twin, Danny thought wary. Someone with whom she had spent all her life, whom she saved and who saved her. Someone she had always trusted, no matter how bad things were. He couldn’t imagine how Mac must feel, but then he remembered that Mac didn’t even know yet and that he was the one to tell him. He had promised Mac to call him as soon as she woke up. But he had no words. How did you tell your boss that his girlfriend, who happened to be your sister, and whom he loved more than anyone alive, had forgotten him? It wouldn’t get better, if he waited, Danny decided. He took out his phone and dialled Mac’s number. After a few rings, he picked up.</p><p>“Any news?”</p><p>“She’s awake.”</p><p>Mac immediately knew that something was wrong. He could hear it in Danny’s voice. Danny sounded sad, not happy as expected.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“She has… she has retrograde amnesia. She doesn’t remember people. Only… only me. I’m sorry Mac.”</p><p>That wasn’t possible. How was this possible? He was incredibly happy that she was awake. But it pained him, that she didn’t remember him. Of course, it wasn’t her fault. No, it was his. He should have been there. He should have been quicker. He should have… he should have done something.</p><p>Mac was so lost in thoughts, that he didn’t notice Stella entering his bedroom and taking the phone out of his hand. She talked to Danny shortly, then hung up. For now, there was nothing they could do. Everything else they would see tomorrow.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next days were hard on all of them, but especially on Mac. Together with the doctor they had decided that Danny would be the only one to visit her. After two days, though, Rose insisted on meeting Lindsey. She was Danny’s wife and Rose wanted to meet her best friends’ wife and daughter.  They were nice, Rose decided quickly, thought the kid was only about a year old, so nice was relative. Lindsay however, she liked. After Rose was dismissed, she spent a week at Danny’s, because he insisted on it. He was worried about her being alone in her apartment, but with Lindsay’s help she convinced him that she would be okay. Soon she returned to work, after all, she remembered everything she learned, so she wanted to make herself useful. Sitting around, starring at the wall, didn’t help her memory, so maybe actually meeting some of the people she forgot, might. Now, however, she felt a little anxious. She was standing in the elevator, going up to the lab. Some of the security guards down in the hall had greeted her excitedly, happy that she was back, and all she could do was smiling politely. But when she stepped out of the elevator, she took a deep breath and looked around. All these people she had worked with before, many of them had been her friends. She could befriend them again if her memories didn’t return. That was okay. She could do that.</p><p>“Rose, you’re back. That’s great. Mac surely wants to see you.”</p><p>That woman looked nice, thought Rose, smiling back at her equally warm, though she had no idea who she was. Stella was very happy to see her friend again, but she was a bit stressed to, so she didn’t have much time. She just told Rose to go to Mac’s office and tell him she was back before Stella had to return to her work. A little overwhelmed Rose knocked at the frame of the open glass door.</p><p>“I was told to report to you, sir.”</p><p>Seeing Rosa was kind of a surprise to Mac. Danny had told him that she wanted to work again, but hadn’t said when she would come back. He had missed Rosa so incredibly, and there she was, standing right in front of him, yet out of reach. Until now, it hadn’t really hit him what it meant that she didn’t remember him. She was the person Mac loved most in the world, but to her he was just a stranger. Her boss, nothing more. Mac realized that she was expecting an answer and starring at her wasn’t one.</p><p>“Please, there is no need to call me sir. Most people here just call me Mac, so did you.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, it must be an awkward situation for you.”</p><p>“Don’t be sorry, none of it is your fault. If anyone is to blame, it’s me.”</p><p>“Danny told me it was you with me when I got hit. But Danny also told me that you were hurt yourself and therefore couldn’t have done anything.”</p><p>Rose shrugged her shoulders and smiled.</p><p>“It is what it is, and I intend to make the best out of it. So, it’s very nice to meet you.”</p><p>Mac tried his best to smile, but he still looked sad, which Rose noticed, but choose to ignore. She couldn’t imagine how hard this situation must be for her friends, so she didn’t blame them for being a little awkward around her, as Lindsay had been at first.</p><p>“If that was all, I’ll start working.”</p><p>Both Rose and Mac were relieved when Rose left the office and went to her lab station. They both understood that the other felt uncomfortable, though Rose didn’t know exactly how miserable Mac felt, because Danny had chosen not to tell her about the relationship. He thought that would make work unnecessarily awkward for Rose. Though, it was weird, Rose was glade to be back at work. She remembered the place and she remembered that she felt safe here, though she felt safe nearly everywhere now. Whatever reason she had to feel unsafe was gone. Only a fading memory that made no sense. And, honestly, that was the one thing she didn’t want to remember. Living without that fear was way more enjoyable.</p><p>“Rosalina, hey, you’re back. That’s great.”</p><p>“Lost without me, huh? You must be Adam. The guy I share my lab with.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s me. But how did you know?”</p><p>“Short, shaggy and awkward, that’s how Danny described my partner.”</p><p>“Ha-ha.”</p><p>Adam was a little offended that Danny had described him as shaggy and awkward and he wasn’t any shorter than Danny. And that Rosalina had recognised him with that description hurt extra.</p><p>“Well, and he showed me a pic of the team, so I at least know the names of my friends.”</p><p>Rose smiled apologetic and shrugged her shoulders. That guy seemed to be a little touchy when it came to jokes about him, but that didn’t bother Rose too much. Knowing Danny and her own sense of humour, he should be used to it.</p><p>“Anyway, Danny said you work with computers, too?”</p><p>“Yeah. And, now that you’re here, you can help me. I’m trying to decrypt a phone, but … well, I’m not you, so…”</p><p>“Good for me. What kind of cypher is used?”</p><p>“If I’d only knew.”</p><p>He showed her the pc screen, which showed an apparently chaotic sequence of numbers and letters.</p><p>“That’s a binary code. Base85 or 64, I’d guess, though it could be Ascii85. Let me try something.”</p><p>It took her some time to figure out, which one it was. To do so, she wrote a program, where she would enter the decipher key and get the translation. The most boring part was to wait for the computer to decipher the code. Rose wondered if should ask permission to speed the computers up a little, when Mac walked in.</p><p>“How is the phone going, Adam? Got any data?”</p><p>“Ask Rosalina, I gave it to her. She’s better with things like that.”</p><p>“Before you ask, I’m not yet done. I wrote a program, that’s deciphering the code now, might take some more time. However, I noticed that parts of the code were BCD.”</p><p>“Which means?”</p><p>“They’re not text, they’re an image. Another program is working on it as we speak, but our processors are too slow.”</p><p>“Is it? I never had problems.”</p><p>“That, dearest Adam, is caused by the fact that those programs are the most ingenious thing this processer has ever tried to process.”</p><p>Adam had to agree, even though he couldn’t believe it. Sure, Rosalina had always been brilliant, but that she wrote two programs that complicated and that different within a couple of hours was unbelievable. It was almost impossible. While Adam was thrilled by her and admired her even more now, Mac could only stare at her in disbelieve. Not only couldn’t he believe that she did something that would make Adam marvel about, but he was astonished by the change in her behaviour. It was like she was a completely different person. She was confident, almost arrogant and she enjoyed it.</p><p>“And there it is. The proof of my brilliancy.”</p><p>A photograph popped up on one of her screens, showing two man holding hands and kissing.</p><p>“The right one is the victim, isn’t he?”</p><p>“Yes, and the other one we don’t know.”</p><p>“Running it through police databases now. If he’s in them, we’ll know.”</p><p>“And if he isn’t?”</p><p>“No need to be so negative. I’ll find him, and if it takes me the entire night, so be it.”</p><p>That, Mac didn’t doubt for even a second. But it was nice to know that her determination and her commitment for the job had stayed the same. For now, he decided, it was probably for the best to leave Rosa alone with her computers and programs. Mac told her to inform him if she found anything else and returned to his office. Adam soon left for the night, leaving Rosalina alone. Besides the night shift she and Mac were the only ones left. Which Mac discovered as he wanted to leave.</p><p>“Still here?”</p><p>Rosa sat at her desk, watching boxing at one screen, and having searches and programs running the others, occupying every single desktop in the room.</p><p>“Yeah. The text is still deciphering, and I haven’t found a match yet, so I accessed some other databases, and have it run traffic cameras.”</p><p>“And you have to be here for it?”</p><p>“Probably not. But I told you I would stay till I find that guy, so here I am.”</p><p>“And while you wait you watch boxing?”</p><p>“Yeah, why not? It’s fun.”</p><p>Mac just nodded. As far as he knew, Rosa never had been a big fan of boxing. She had watched it with him, occasionally, but never on her own. She was more the documentary person, sports she preferred to do herself.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>Of course, Rose had noticed that Mac was lost in thoughts and that she was the cause of it.</p><p>“Nothing important. Go home, have the program run in standby.”</p><p>“Can do. But I don’t mind staying here. My apartment is… never mind, you probably don’t care anyways.”</p><p>“If you want to talk about it, I do care.”</p><p>“My apartment feels kinda empty. Like something’s missing, I just don’t remember what it is. One more thing I can’t remember. I can’t even tell if what I’m missing is real or just my brain trying to fill the void my memories left behind.”</p><p>Now, Mac to choose whether to answer her truthfully and tell her, creating a possibly very awkward situation, or lying to her.</p><p>“It’s probably just you’re brain. Like with amputations, the person sometimes feels the missing limp, it’s called phantom pain.”</p><p>“You’re holding back.”</p><p>Rose didn’t know what her boss might possibly hold back from her, or why he would do that, but somehow, she was certain that he was not telling her everything he knew.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You and Danny are keeping something from me. I want to know what it is and why you’re not telling me.”</p><p>How could she have known? That she would figure out that Danny was holding back, they had expected. After all, she grew up with him and had always known when he was up to something, and since she remembered Danny, that hadn’t changed. But with Mac? She didn’t even remember his name, how could she possibly tell after meeting him just a few hours ago? Unless…. Mac’s eyes went back to the box fight on the computer. Maybe she didn’t consciously remember him, but unconsciously some parts of their life had stayed. Like boxing or knowing him so well that she just had to look at him to know that something was wrong. Bad for this specific situation, but it gave Mac hope that she might remembered him eventually.</p><p>“You’re right. We’re not telling you everything. We thought it would be unnecessarily awkward if you knew. Everything else, Danny should explain to you. Tomorrow. For tonight you should go home and try to get some sleep.”</p><p>He had already turned and was almost out of her lab, when Rose realised what Mac had just been telling her, or not telling her. It became so obvious that Rose had to wonder how she didn’t see it as soon as she met Mac. But then again, she’d had no reason to believe he was lying to her or keeping things from her. So, she had just figured he had behaved the way he did, because it had been odd for him to reintroduce himself to her after they had been friends for the past two years. How could she have possibly figured that it had been so much more between them?</p><p>“It’s you.”</p><p>Sighing he stopped, not sure, whether or not to be happy about her realising it on her own. Right now, though, he just wanted to go home and not deal with this anymore. Avoiding difficult situations was not like him, but this one was different. It wasn’t just difficult, it wasn’t a solvable problem.</p><p>“You are the one I miss, aren’t you? That’s why Danno didn’t want to tell me. You’re my boss and my boyfriend.”</p><p>When Rose saw Mac’s face, she regretted saying it out loud. It showed pain, sadness and love and she felt truly sorry for him.</p><p>“I’m very sorry.”</p><p>Although, she hadn’t had any intentions of leaving before she got a match for that guy, Rose got up and left the lab. It wasn’t a place she wanted to be right now. She didn’t want to go home either, though, so she went for a walk. Outside the building she walked around the block one, bought herself a coffee and sat down on a bench. Somehow, she had the feeling that this place was special, but she could remember why, which meant that it had to do with someone she’d forgotten. Most likely Mac. Now that she knew, she couldn’t shake the look of utter sadness in his face. It was hard for her to believe that she could be the cause of it. Some part of her wanted to go to him, tell him that it was okay, that she was still there, the other part was screaming that it was the worst idea she could possibly have. Especially, since she wasn’t sure that she was the same person as before. In the past weeks she had noticed that Danny would sometimes look at her in astonishment as if he wouldn’t recognise her. And she was right thinking that. Danny had indeed been looking at her that way. The first time when he had found her watching car races one morning, which was when he realised that she was not the Rosie she had been before. She was opener, happier, more the way she had been as a teen, when things had still been good. Later she had been cocking for them and was humming. Danny hadn’t heard her hum or saw her dance for almost ten years. Rosalina had changed after the trauma and she knew.</p><p>“You have a very weird habit of sitting here in the middle of the night, letting your coffee grow cold.”</p><p>Mac sat down next to her. He had been in his office for the last half hour, waiting for her to come back, to explain himself. Then he had decided that she wasn’t coming back, so he left and now had found her out here.</p><p>“I do? Well, I don’t really like coffee anyway. I’m more the tea type, since I’ve been to-”</p><p>“- London when you were fifteen. Yeah, you told me.”</p><p>“Figures, considering you were my boyfriend. What else did I tell you?”</p><p>Mac thought for a second, then laughed, “You had a goldfish called Puppy because your dad wouldn’t buy you a real one.”</p><p>“Really? Puppy is a weird name for a fish.”</p><p>“You were five, I think. As far as I know, your brother Louie killed him.”</p><p>“Louie is Danny’s brother.”</p><p>Mac smiled warmly at her try to keep their lie up.</p><p>“I know that Danny is your twin.”</p><p>“So, I had no secrets from you?”</p><p>“A few you and Danny kept, about your past. Mainly your previous boyfriends. Some of them seemed to be pretty douche.”</p><p>“Good to know. but you seem to be nice.”</p><p>“That’s what Danny told me too. What else you two told me is that you loved to play pranks on everybody. Danny said it was hilarious.”</p><p>“I think, some of them I remember. Once or twice, I played tricks on Danny. Those he didn’t find too hilarious.”</p><p>“I can imagine.”</p><p>“Did I ever tell you about the time when I refused to eat food that didn’t have the right colour?”</p><p>Mac shook his head, not quite sure what to imagine. Rosa laughed, thinking back at those months.</p><p>“When I was seven, I set my mind to only eat food of one colour. One day, I’d only eat green food, another day only red and so on. Drove Dad crazy, Mom blamed Dad. Danny just put food colouring in my food and laughed at it.”</p><p>“You never told me that. But I can picture it. You and Danny seemed to have a great childhood together.”</p><p>Growing up, Mac had always wanted siblings, but had stayed an only child. The more he learned about Rosa’s childhood, the more he realised what he had missed.</p><p>“How about you? Tell me about your life.”</p><p>“I was an exemplary child. Straight A student, never caused trouble, joined the Marine Corps as soon as I finished school. Married soon. I really loved Claire, wanted to have a family with her, but she died, and I left the Marines, joining the NYPD. Ever since, relationships haven’t worked out. They usually end bad.”</p><p>“And this one ended with a bang.”</p><p>“You could say so.”</p><p>“Danny told me, you and Stella are pretty close.”</p><p>“Yeah, but she leaves soon. She’s going to lead the crime lab in New Orleans. The new one will come the day Lindsey gets her medal.”</p><p>Rose didn’t remember immediately, but then it came to her. A few months before, Lindsey had to shoot a criminal, who had threatened Lucy. As far as Rose could tell, Linds wasn’t really excited about the medal.</p><p>“Do you know who will replace her?”</p><p>“Someone called Jo Danville. She is from the FBI. I’m looking forward to meet her.”</p><p>“But losing your best friend must be hard.”</p><p>“Stella is your friend, too. You two have been spending a lot of time together.”</p><p>“Tell me about the others. Danny didn’t tell me too much.”</p><p>“Well, Sid is the medical examiner, he’s brilliant, but all of them are. He’s caring, has two daughters. Hawks is a doctor, he’s volunteering, very passionate. Flack is our guy at the NYPD, Lindsay, and Danny you know, and then there is Adam. I don’t quite understand him, he seems very awkward.”</p><p>“Oh Adam, he is easy to understand. He isn’t awkward, he is insecure. That’s why he acts so weird around you. He’s worried you’ll fire him if he messes up.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yeah, didn’t you see that? It’s obvious.”</p><p>“I’m not as brilliant as you are, Rosa. Nobody is.”</p><p>“That’s not true. But thanks.”</p><p>For some minutes they just sat there in silence, watching the traffic pass by. Even though he knew it wasn’t the same, it felt like it used to be. Like Rosa was back with him. But too soon she rose again, returning to her lab. She had to finish her work, after all she had promised him, she’d find the second man in the picture. So, she would do that.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Which was why Mac found Rosa the next day, fallen asleep on her desk. The deciphering program was still running on one screen, some sport channel played on another one. Several pieces of papers lay on the desk, it seemed like complete chaos, but Mac knew she had total overview over her workplace. Not right now, of course, because right now, she was fast asleep.</p><p>“Rosa, time to wake up.”</p><p>Carefully, he put his cup of coffee next to her, trying not to place it on any of her papers. She’d behead him if he stained her work.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Over the work, Rose hadn’t noticed how the time had passed, not even that she had fallen asleep. Until Mac now woke her up.</p><p>“Sorry, just resting my eyes.”</p><p>“You have about an hour till most of the others come, how about you take a nap on my couch? It’s a little more comfortable.”</p><p>“No, no, it’s okay, I’m awake. I just need some coffee. You mind?”</p><p>She took the cup in front of her and drank half of it in one sip, which made Mac laugh.</p><p>“I’ll go, fresh myself up a little. Here’s everything I found on our victim’s boyfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>When Rosa stood in the women’s bathroom, she wasn’t sure if she should be embarrassed. She mostly felt weird, the entire day yesterday had been a bit odd, but the evening and night had topped that by far. It had been nice talking to Mac. He was nice and everything, but it was just bizarre to work with someone she knew loved her and who she had loved too.</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>Stella was a little worried about her friend, not because of the amnesia, well that too, but because she had been staring at the running water for solid ten minutes and hadn’t noticed when Stella had turned it off.</p><p>“Just tired and…”</p><p>“Confused?”</p><p>“Doesn’t cover it, but yeah, amongst other things.”</p><p>“I wish I could help you, really. But…”</p><p>“There is just no way to help me. I have to deal with it, somehow and hope it isn’t permanent.”</p><p>Rose sighed and returned to the locker room, she kept a set of spare cloths in her locker, which she put on now. No need for everyone to see that she hadn’t been home this night. Stella had followed her, but stayed silent due to a lack of words. It was Rose, who started a conversation, but about a different topic. She was tired of everyone talking about her.</p><p>“I heard you got a promotion and gonna get to lead the New Orleans Crime Lab?”</p><p>“Yeah. I’m leaving as soon as this case is solved. But I’m going to miss all of you.”</p><p>“But it’s a great opportunity. I’m sure you’re gonna do great and you’ll find new friends in no time.”</p><p>“Thanks Rose, I appreciate that. I’m actually a little worried if I’ll do a good job there.”</p><p>“You learned from Mac, so sure you will. And hey, new situations are scary, nothing wrong with that. I’m worried about almost everything. People mostly. That I’m not the person they want me to be.”</p><p>“Then they will learn to like the person you are. Seems like we both should stop worrying that much.”</p><p>“And go back to work. Let’s close this case so we can throw you a goodbye party.”</p><p>“Yeah, let’s do that.”</p><p> </p><p>While Rosa had gone to the bathroom, Mac had returned to his office, where he had been starring at a picture of Rosa and himself for several minutes, deeply lost in thoughts. When they had talked last night it had, just for a moment, felt like everything was fine again. Of course, Mac knew, that things wouldn’t return to normal and that they would take some time to be fine again. All he could do was try to find a new normal and hope for the best. He still loved Rosa and maybe she could fall in love with him again, even though she was different now. There still was a chance for them, no matter how small, there was a chance. Mac had to believe this, he didn’t know how else to get through the day. Nights, however, were a completely different topic. They were the worst, when he lay in his bed, missing her, wishing that he could do something, but knowing that there was nothing to be done. So, he had spent the night working, trying to figure out a motive for the murder. Without luck, though.</p><p> </p><p>Rose had returned to her lab, and soon Adam showed up.</p><p>“And any luck with your program?”</p><p>“The pics are decrypted, the texts are in progress, but I found the boyfriend. Thought, I leave the pile of photos to you. You’re welcome.”</p><p>“Thanks, I guess. How long did you stay yesterday?”</p><p>“Haven’t left yet.”</p><p>“You’ve been working the whole night?”</p><p>“More or less. The program did the most work, I just adjusted it and interpreted what it gave me. And kept searching for the boyfriend.”</p><p>Well, and had a nice chat with Mac, she thought, but Adam didn’t need to know that.</p><p>“where is my coffee? I had a coffee somewhere, well Mac’s coffee, but whatever.”</p><p>Adam handed her the cup, which she had put on his desk, because there it had been out of her way. Which Rose had already forgotten. She was a little sleep deprived, but that’s what coffee was there for.</p><p>“I’ll go get myself a new coffee, you want one too?”</p><p>“Don’t you think that sleep might be better?”</p><p>“Sure, as soon as we solved this case, or I collapse due to exhaustion.”</p><p>Not that she planned on that, but it wouldn’t surprise her too much. She didn’t sleep well lately, so she could very well imagine just collapsing or getting a caffeine overdose. Whatever would happen first.</p><p> </p><p>She went home that night, nevertheless, because Mac ordered her to. He actually insisted on walking her home. All because she had told him, when he ordered her to go home, that she would leave in a minute, which she hadn’t done. Mac than had insisted on sending her home and she had given in and left. At least she tried to, but then a co-worker had asked her for her help, which she had given. So, when Mac left himself, about half an hour later, he had found Rose sitting in someone else’s lab, working with him. Realising that she would never leave if he didn’t make her, he had told her, he’d walk her home.</p><p>“I like Manhattan at night.”</p><p>“You like nights in general.”</p><p>“That’s true. But nights have something special about them, you know. Like…”</p><p>“Like everything is possible. It seems as if fairy tales could come true, as if miracles could happen.”</p><p>“That sounds absolutely cheesy.”</p><p>Rose grinned brightly. Looking at her, Mac started to laugh.</p><p>“I know. But it wasn’t me who said that.”</p><p>“Guess it was me, wasn’t it? It does sound like me.”</p><p>Mac nodded silently. The night she had said that was not that long ago. They had wanted to go out, have a picnic in Central Park, but then a case came in, so Mac had told her, as soon as they would solve it, they would go on their date. Which had happened to be late evening. But Mac kept his promised and organised a late-night picnic in the park. It had been a beautiful night, warm and with a clear sky. They had sat there till long after midnight. It had been then that Mac had realised how deeply he was in love with Rose. Thinking of that night made him happy as well as sad. He missed her so much it hurt, even though she was right next to him.</p><p>They walked the rest of the way in silence. Rose didn’t know what to say and Mac was lost in thoughts. Soon they reached her apartment.</p><p>“Go to bed, Rose, please.”</p><p>Though she nodded, Mac doubted that she actually would. But since there was nothing he could do, he wished her a good night and went home. Where he soon went to bed himself. Not that he could sleep. Like she had said, the bed felt empty, even cold, and he could never quite warm it up.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>For the next few days Rose and Mac both were a little awkward around each other, but soon found a routine again and with every passing day Rose understood a little more why she had fallen in love with this man. He was caring, passionate, charming, a little serious maybe, but on the rare occasions when he smiled, it warmed up the room several degrees.</p><p>Then it was time for Stella’s replacement to show up. In quite a spectacular way, too. But after they had solved the case Rose found the opportunity to talk to Jo a bit. It was late night, most people had already gone home and that’s what Jo wanted to do too. But when she walked into the locker room, she found Rose starring at a picture she had pinned on her locker door. Since her own locker was almost next to Rose’s she had to walk closer, as she did, Jo saw there was more than one picture, but they all showed colleagues. Which was, why she couldn’t figure out, why Rose looked so sad.</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>Rose hadn’t heard her come in and thus was surprised by the sudden appearance.</p><p>“Sorry, didn’t want to scare you.”</p><p>Rose shrugged her shoulders, quickly closing her locker, just to realise that she needed something out of it and opened it again.</p><p>“But I guess it answers my question if you are okay with not so really.”</p><p>“Yeah, guess so.”</p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>“How much time have you got?”</p><p>Jo raised an eyebrow, which made Rose chuckle bitterly.</p><p>“Short version: I don’t remember any of them. Except for Danny.”</p><p>She pointed to the pictures behind her.</p><p>“You… don’t remember them? What do you mean?”</p><p>“I mean, I got hit on the head and now everyone I used to know is gone. No memories of them whatsoever.”</p><p>Since Jo didn’t know what to say to that, she nodded slowly, but then realised Rose’s problem.</p><p>“But they still know you. And because memories make people and you lost yours, I’m guessing you’re not who you used to be. Which, of course, is hard for them to accept, and hard for you to live with.”</p><p>“You actually are as good as they said you would be.”</p><p>Jo just ignored her comment and smiled compassionately, “I cannot begin to imagine how hard this must be, for all of you. I wish I could help you.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ve got it handled… -ish. No, really. I’m just getting used to it.”</p><p>Not that that was the truth, Rose wasn’t getting used to it at all, and she didn’t want to. Every time she looked at Mac it hurt. She knew that she loved that man, she knew that he meant the world to her,  she knew that with him, she had everything she ever wanted, that he was perfect for her, she knew how much he brightened up her life, how he made her feel special and how he made her better, she knew all of that, but she felt none. And that, that she felt.</p><p>Though Jo didn’t believe her, she dropped the topic. If Rose wanted to talk to her, fine, she would listen and help where she would, but she wouldn’t pressure her. For now, Jo would just be a friend to Rose as she was sure that Rose needed some new friends, where she didn’t have to live up to a shadow of herself.</p>
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